Hello, Blurbers! Welcome back to Reality Blurb’s HOT new Open Post forum, where you get to talk about whatever you want, including shows we don’t normally cover on here! As a friendly reminder, this is also a place to have fun and socialize, and there is absolutely NO NEED to get into petty squabbles in the comments section, ya dig?
So a little while back, I did an Open Post as a throwback to Alex McCord’s Brooklyn fashion show, in which Ramona Singer bugged her eyes out while strutting down the runway. It was a hilarious moment in Housewives history that I felt we should all relive for old time’s sake! Well… I guess I must have FASHION FEVER, because we’re going to revisit another great moment in Housewives fashion history: Get ready, Blurbers. It’s time for the She By Sheree Fashion Show from the Real Housewives of Atlanta!
Once upon a time, a sublime, mild-tempered beauty named Sheree Whitfield woke up in a sweat, and thought to herself, “I’m a fashion designer!” See, ever since Sheree was a child, she always wanted to design fashions. “In Atlanta, people actually look up to me for fashion. This is my God-given gift.”
Since Sheree’s ex-husband, Bob Whitfield, was out of the picture, Sheree decided it was time to introduce the world to her HIGH ART by way of billowy dresses and tunics. So she enlisted sketch artist Noel to turn her dreams into a reality. “Can we do something to make this one less cheesy?” Sheree asks a frazzled Noel, as she thumbs through the cartoon sketches of her collection. She widens a strap on one dress with a pen and says, “There. All better. I’m a genius!”
After putting the finishing touches on the sketches, Sheree sent Noel off into the world, content with outsourcing a seamstress to create the patterns and samples. “Right now, we’re on a time crunch,” Sheree warns an increasingly nervous Noel. There was a lot on the line for this fashion show. “Many designers rely on investors, but I’m actually fronting this all myself. It’s costing me a minimum of $100K to get this fashion line off the ground,” Sheree moans.
Now that her classy, elegant clothes were being constructed for the masses, it was time for Sheree to switch focus on the most important aspect of any fashion line: the fashion show! Sheree wanted ALL the athletes, politicians, and socialites of Atlanta in attendance. “It’s happening. It’s going down in three weeks!”
One of the planners asked, “Is there any way we could blow up the sketches and put them next to the models?” “I LOVE IT!” Sheree squeals. Then she held a casting event for the male models, and I’m reminded that the #metoo movement applies to everyone… not just men.
When the samples came back from the seamstress, Sheree couldn’t believe her eyes. “They’re a mess, they are horrible, and look cheap!” And it’s absolutely true… those “clothes” looked ROUGH. Like Home Ec class ROUGH. Kim Zolciak came over, and Sheree bleated, “Look! It’s supposed to look like this!” as she slams her finger on her sketchbook.
Sheree gets on the horn with Noel. “What is this that you left on my door? You don’t even have the common decency to wait for me to get home, or hold a conversation with me about what you left? Had you been woman enough to sit down with me, hold a conversation, bring the things to ME, not leave them on my doorstep in a plastic bag. You’ve ruined it! You’ve ruined my viewing! What am I supposed to do? I can’t show this stuff, it’s not up to par! What am I supposed to do? I have all these people coming to a viewing tomorrow, and I have nothing to view. You’re sorry? That’s all you have to say, is you’re sorry? You know what? Alright, bye.”
Some of you may totally disagree, but I LOVE Sheree’s angry outbursts. She may be one of my favorite Housewives of all time, and I may just have to do a Sheree’s Greatest Hits someday, but let’s get back to the fashion show at hand!
After making several more phone calls to her battered staff of amateurs, Sheree decided to hold the event anyway, just without any of her designs. The ice sculpture was already dripping, the sketches were already hung up on the walls, and the men’s bodies were already painted, dammit!
As the guests filed in, Lisa Wu, and everyone else was like, “WHUH?? Where are the fashions?” At least the turnout for the party was great! Bob Whitfield even made an appearance, and snarked to Sheree, “She might do something now. She might actually do something!” OUCH.
The next day, Nene Leakes got a pedicure with Dwight Eubanks, and as Dwight’s scaly nails were being polished, the two immediately got into the gossip:
There should be a monument dedicated to Dwight’s line, “Who is this wonderful person that is giving a fashion show with no fashions? How dreadful.” Nene laughed with glee at her frenemy’s misfortune, as Dwight continued, “You know what a fashion show with no fashions is called? Nothing.”
After Sheree’s disastrous VIEWING, she needed to regroup, so she phoned up her friend/ former Project Runway contestant / Bravo show crossover participant, Mychael Knight, for some support.
Mychael arrived, all brace-faced and adorable, and Sheree immediately launched into her complaints, “I’ve been talking to people who make all kinds of promises. I just can’t understand why everyone is jealous of me, and why they won’t put together the pieces I ordered them to! Is lack of knowledge, cash, and time really all that important?”
Mychael did his best to give Sheree some real talk about how fashion lines come together, and at first, Sheree looked like she wanted to stab Mychael in his braces. “I’m grand,” Sheree declared defiantly. “It’s good to be grand, buuut, if you had less “grandness”, you’d have more time to sweat the details.” At this point, a lightbulb went off in Sheree’s head, and she thought, “Huh! Well, maybe Mychael’s right! I respect his tough love.” Lesson learned, Sheree!
Later, in season two of RHOA, Sheree decided to give her fashion line another go. Despite several setbacks, Dwight offered his assistance (“USE ME. Just don’t ABUSE ME.”), and was able to help Sheree finally pull the big day off! I couldn’t find footage from the episode, so let’s enjoy this random YouTube montage!
And there you have it! The She by Sheree Fashion Viewing/Show! This story is as epic as a Greek Tragedy, as we’re taken through the ups and downs of the unforgiving fashion world. It taught me some valuable lessons: 1) Learn how to sew if you want to put out a fashion line. 2) Don’t outsource work that you want done right. 3) Even if the clothes aren’t ready, hold your head up high and throw your party anyway!
Thank you for reading Open Post! If you have any suggestions for topics, please email firstname.lastname@example.org. Enjoy your Sunday, and see you in the comments section!
TELL US – What was your favorite Housewives fashion show? What shows are you watching lately? Speaking of fashion shows, would you like Reality Blurb to recap Project Runway when it comes back?
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